Faith & Foolishness

At the end of the day, both my wife and I will be unemployed. At this point, I don’t know if I’m walking in faith or foolishness.

Three months ago we moved to Charlotte with the goal of me leaving a job in ministry and going back into corporate America and my wife quitting her job to be a full time mom. We prayed about it, felt peace about it, received many confirmations about it and headed out on an adventure.

For the most part, it’s been amazing. We love the city. We love the food. We found an amazing church. Katie and I have been more unified then ever before in our marriage. Our little boy is growing up faster than we could have imagined.

But it’s been 3 months and I haven’t had so much as a single phone interview. Not. One. Interview. And today is my wife’s last day working remotely at her job. And now is when things get real.

I’d be lying if I said that my faith was as strong as ever and I’m not up all night worrying if we’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake. I don’t like to talk about it because I’m prideful and I don’t want to ask for help. I also don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me because, as it turns out, I do a fine job of that all on my own.

I feel like a walking contradiction, especially after my last post about safe faith. Not only am I worrying obsessively, but I’m making myself feel bad for not having MORE faith.

I get annoyed whenever someone asks “How’s the job search going?” Like seriously annoyed because, guys, if something changed I WILL TELL YOU. I mean, it’s really ALL I think about so yeah, I promise you won’t have to ask when I get an interview and especially if I get a job offer.

But it’s not their fault, they mean well. Everyone else has tons of faith for my situation. I know that feeling. I’m the most confident person for someone else but when it comes to my life, I’m a wreck. THIS is why I hate taking risks. Because I hate having to depend on anyone else. It’s so much easier to just do it on my own.

At the same time, I realize how unhealthy and isolating that is. I do it in my marriage all the time. Except the confident facade doesn’t work on my wife. She sees everything and she knows as soon as something is off. And honestly I hate it because I just want everyone to leave me alone. Keep your encouragement and platitudes to yourself. Let me feel sorry for myself in peace!

But reluctantly, I’m learning something through all this. I’m fighting it with every ounce of my being but I’m learning that the risk isn’t the foolishness. Trusting in someone else isn’t foolishness.

The real foolishness is thinking I can control my situation.

It’s foolish to try to minimize risk and hurt and disappointment. It’s foolish to think I don’t need help or encouragement or a strong rebuke for feeling sorry for myself.

And every day I have to remind myself to get the right perspective. Honestly, many days are a wash. Sometimes I get my hopes up, only to grasp at a mirage.

But some days I just sit with my little boy and look over to my hopeful wife and I’m reminded that I’m blessed. I’m reminded that my wife loves me and believes in me and has promised to stand with me and weather any storm that we face.

It’s then that I walk on with this tiny bit of faith I have left. It might look like walking in foolishness or maybe it actually is, but at least I’m not walking alone.

What I’m Learning About Safe Faith

SafeFaith

When you step out and take a risk with God, it’s tempting to think everything is going to happen just how you imagined. You’ve talked about it, prayed about it, presented your plan to God and subsequently felt His blessing on it. This is your faith offering so you trust that God will honor your [...]

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When We Were United

Aliceas

THREE MONTHS AGO I was sitting on the couch when I looked over to Katie and said, “What about Charlotte?” I had been asking a variation of this question for the past few months. “What about Austin? What about Pittsburgh? What about Nashville?” I had no idea where to look. I didn’t even know if [...]

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The God Of The Last Minute

Recently I’ve seen an unusually large number of people saying that God tends to speak at the last minute. And while I don’t think this is true, my actions betray my thoughts. It could be in regards to our personal lives, relationships, major life decisions or whatever. We can’t figure out what to do and [...]

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The Power Of The Spoken Word

TheSpokenWord

Most people think writers are great all-around communicators by default. But that’s not necessarily the case. Not all communication is created equal. I consider myself a pretty good communicator. Written communication always came naturally to me from a young age. My early relationships were comprised of an insane amount of note writing. My deepest sentiments of [...]

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Are We Still Friends?

I’m terrible at keeping in touch. When I moved (for the first of three times in high school) away from my middle school best friend I promised I would write and call. We were so close and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I did okay in the beginning. I made a couple of [...]

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It’s Time To Go Outside

You can either be an astronomer or an astronaut. An anthropologist or an archeologist. A theologian or a living epistle. I’ve tended to be the former. It’s easy to study a subject and theorize all day without ever getting out to see it, touch it and experience it. At some point we have to put [...]

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How Do You Measure Success?

If grace and life transformation can’t be quantified, how can Christians gauge true effectiveness? I’m so excited to announce my latest article was published in Relevant Magazine! I’m talking about our culture’s view of success and how looking at it through the eyes of the Kingdom of God flips success on it’s head. I’d love [...]

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Why You Should Get Your Hopes Up

Nick Face

“Don’t get your hopes up.” Have you ever thought about why we say that? I mean, I realize that nobody likes to be disappointed. But is disappointment really the end of the world? I’ve prided myself on being a pretty steady guy. I’m a rock of stability, if you will. I don’t get too excited [...]

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When You’ve Forgotten

Image credit: bloodua / 123RF Stock Photo

When I was a boy, I had a vivid imagination. I excelled in school and was typically the first to finish my assignments in class. I would look around and see the others still working, so I escaped off into my own world. This world came to life and the characters I created spoke to [...]

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