Archive - February, 2011

Just One Glance

February 24, 2011 in Meditations 80

I remember my first crush. I was about 6 years old. Her name was Jessica and she lived in my neighborhood. She was beautiful. I remember I used to just stare at her to no end. Every once in awhile she would turn and catch my eye and my heart would drop to the bottom of my stomach. I would get goose bumps and blush profusely (well, as much as a brown-skinned boy can blush). I was completely captivated.

“You have ravished my heart, My sister, my bride; You have ravished my heart, With one glance of your eyes” Song of Songs 4:9

This is one of my favorite verses. I’ll admit it. I’m a die-hard romantic. Which may or may not mean that I like to whisper sweet nothings into the ear of my love while watching the Die Hard trilogy.

While this is a story of true romance in the Bible, it can also be read allegorically as God’s romance of us. After all, marriage is a metaphor for Christ’s love for the church, not the other way around. Jesus is the perfect lover.

Just One Glance

You have ravished my heart...

The thing about being ravished by just “one glance,” is that it implies that your lover is staring at you. The writer of this passage isn’t referring to a serendipitous exchange of glances. To be ravished by one glance can only happen when a lover is intently gazing at his love.

I get this picture in my mind that the Lord has His gaze constantly fixed on me. The minute I turn to Him in even the slightest way, His heart is ravished. He desires my love. His heart is captivated when I return His gaze. He is after my heart.

There are few things as disheartening as when you are completely in love with someone and they do not pay you any attention. You long for their attention. The moment that they finally give it is exhilarating. Your heart drops to the bottom of your stomach.

I never got the nerve to officially ask Jessica to be my girlfriend, but I don’t think I had to. We took a picture together in a photo booth, which at 6 years old pretty much meant that we were boyfriend and girlfriend forever. I still have that picture somewhere. I have a goofy grin on my face. Nervously captivated.

Do you remember your first crush?

Is Your Dream An Idol?

February 22, 2011 in Exceptional Living 63

Dream Big

But Is It An Idol?

I was having an eye-opening conversation with a friend recently. He has been at a place in his life where he is frustrated…tormented even. He has been struggling with a heaviness that was clouding his life. He serves the Lord with all his heart, has a wonderful family that supports him and on the outside appears to have everything together. After asking questions and getting to the root of his issue, it turns out that the thing he was most passionate about had been laid on the altar before God. He was afraid that his dream would become an idol. He had spent most of His life serving God sacrificially. Unfortunately the life he was living for the Lord was making him miserable, unfulfilled and on the brink of burnout.

I believe that somewhere along the lines in our walk with Christ where we decide to really give our lives to the Lord with abandon, we develop this mindset that carrying our cross means living a life of misery for Jesus and having to like it. We think that if we find ourselves unhappy in a life that we believe is “fully dedicated” to Him, clearly we have disappointed God. But what does it really mean to “take up our cross”?

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?” Luke 9:23-25

The langauge here is pretty clear. Jesus wants us to die to ourselves. Let’s look at another translation. The message translation says:

“Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat—I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self.”

There are a couple of interesting things in this translation stick out to me.

  1. The metaphor – I feel this one is more relevant to today’s culture. God is in the driver’s seat (none of this co-pilot nonsense). He’s in control.
  2. Suffering – While it says do not run from suffering, Jesus isn’t asking us to run “to” suffering. Someone once told me that Jesus never ran from anyone or to anything. He always knew where He was going. He always led the way. I like how the verse says “follow me and I’ll show you how.”
  3. Finding yourself – I like the wording about finding your “true self”. I believe Jesus wants us to die to who we “think” we are. He knows that without Him our identities are rooted in fear and selfish ambition. But once we lay that down and follow Him, He’ll show us who we really are. Living a life of confidence in who He says we are is true humility.

My Dreams, His Dreams

Many people believe that when they deny themselves, they have to deny their dreams as well. After all, aren’t “MY” dreams selfish? Anything that makes me happy clearly isn’t from God and is self-seeking. I am called to live a life of sacrifice and suffering, right?

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Almost paradoxically, David writes this Psalm in the midst of tribulation. He writes in the midst of feelings of abandonment and forsakeness. He doesn’t say “humble yourself and in your humilitation, God will give you a check mark in the Book of Life.” He gives us great encouragement…but it is conditional.

Last week my friend Cris wrote this line in her post. I had to read it a few times for it to really sink in:

“God gives me the desires of my heart, then He goes and gives me the desires of my heart.”

When we fulfill our committment (delight yourself in the Lord), He fulfills His promise. First he gives us our desires. He purifies our hearts and motives. From that place of abiding in Him, He places His desires in our hearts.

Once those desires have been placed in our hearts, He then goes and gives them to us. He does it for two reasons. The first is because they are “His desires”. He will receive glory. Secondly, He does it because He loves us. He wants us to serve Him with joy. He’s not about heavy yokes and burdens.

The Martyr Complex

I have seen too many people take on a martyr complex when it comes to serving the Lord. I believe many people that think they are serving the Lord, are really serving themselves.

If you don’t feel one ounce of grace to accomplish the work that “God has called you to”, you may have called yourself to it.

I’m reading “The God Who Smokes” by Timothy Stoner and one particular passage stuck out to me. This is what he says:

“In my childhood, I had wanted to be a writer. As I grew up the dream was flattened under the logical and spiritual weight of making my life ‘count’ for God.”

For some reason, many of us believe that making our life count for God means voluntarily living a life of “suffering for the ministry”. This is much different than embracing suffering for the Lord “when it comes”. Some people seek out the most difficult lifestyles, and think that will please God because of their self-sacrifice. I believe these people are in grave danger of burnout because they are going in their own strength.

God is not looking for self-appointed martyrs, He’s raising up sons and daughters. No good father is going to allow His sons or daughters to go without everything they need. No good father is going to want his children to live a life of suffering and lack. A good father is going to tell his children, “you can do anything you want when you grow up!”

Identifying The Idol

Here are a few practical questions you can ask yourself to evaluate if your dream is your own selfish ambition or God’s dream:

  1. Can I delight myself in the Lord? If you can continually delight yourself in the Lord when living out your dream, then God is the one who put this in your heart. Are you enjoying what you do and thus be able to always give thanks? This should be reflected when you interact with people, weather you are playing a professional sport or you are a missionary in Zambia.
  2. Can I give God the glory? My friend Jason wrote a post recently about the Daytona 500 winner Trevor Bayne. This kid couldn’t stop talking about God when he won. His testimony went out before millions of people just because of the position that God put him in. How’s that for a big dream given by God?
  3. Is my life bearing fruit? External fruit is important but don’t forget internal fruit. Ask yourself if you are continually growing in your relationship with the Lord. Not just in knowledge but in character. The first signs of real fruit will always start in your home. Is their fruit in your marriage? Is there fruit in your children?

If you are currently living a life “dedicated” to God in full time ministry, these are good questions to ask as well. You may come to some sobering conclusions when you answer honestly.

Fully Alive

I believe that we give God the most glory when we are living lives that are full of joy and passion. There is no better testimony of God’s goodness than to see a person that lives an incredible life and always points back to God in everything they do.

I believe we are a generation that can redefine what that looks like. Not all of us are going to be full time on the mission field. Not all of us are going to be pastors, teachers or worship leaders. But all of us are called to be leaders. There is no spectator Christianity.

Let’s live fully alive. Let’s let God define who we are and find our security in that place as His sons and daughters. Let’s delight ourselves in the Lord. Then let’s start dreaming!

Do you believe the dreams in your heart line up with God’s plan for your life?

The Weight of Expectation

February 21, 2011 in Meditations 20

One of my favorite movies of all time is 500 Days of Summer. It’s the story of a boy who meets a girl who he thinks is the woman of his dreams. The film documents the 500 days of their relationship in a unique style by skipping backwards and forward through the days. Many people I’ve asked say that they don’t like the movie because you do not get the ending you expect between the two main characters. However, you are warmed by the narrator at the very beginning of the movie when he says, “This is not a love story.”

One of the most poignant scenes is one where after they had been broken up for awhile, he reaches out to her and she invites him to a party at her house. The film goes into a split-scene as the events unfold. One one side we see the expectation in his mind of how the night would play out. On the other side we see the reality of the situation. It’s pretty heart wrenching. Call me a glutton for punishment but I think I love it so much because I can completely relate to what he is feeling.

It helped me realize how we create a huge burden when we set expectations in relationships. Many times we do it unwillingly and in the process, never communicate those expectations to the other person. When they do not live up to our expectation, we are left with one of the most damaging emotions in a relationship: disappointment.

Continue reading…

***********************

Today I’m guest posting for one of my absolute faves. I’m stoked to be gracing the pages of Messiah Mom written by my friend Kristin. She’s a terrific writer, smart as a whip, loves Jesus and is pretty much the source for all my information of all things political. Make sure you subscribe to her blog (because it’s awesome) and follow her on Twitter.

Maintaining Relationships From A Place Of Sonship

February 17, 2011 in Identity 23

Harbour Church Relationship Seminar
Harbour Church Relationship Seminar

Harbour Church Relationship Seminar

Last week I told you about a relationship seminar that we had in my church. I taught a break-out session for the single men. For all those that prayed for me let me just say, I FELT it. Thank you so much for your support. I feel like it went fantastic.

The initial sign up was 17 guys. After everything was said and done, we packed 42 single men into a tiny little classroom. I was thrilled!

As promised, I’m posting the audio of the teaching and the outline as well. Man or woman, I think you’ll find some good stuff here. Most of it is general relationship principles that apply to both men and women.

Scan through the notes and if you get to actually listen to the teaching, I’d love your feedback!

Teaching Audio

Teaching Outline

Awaken The Dreamers: Cris Kerr

February 15, 2011 in Exceptional Living 52

Welcome to a new series entitled Awaken The Dreamers. Based on a post I wrote last month, I was challenged to sow into the lives of people that are dream chasers. In an effort to stir up the faith in this community, I decided to feature a different person each month to share their personal story.

First up is one of my closest friends. She is one of those people that just breathes life into everything she does. She is the epitome of a dreamer and the kind of person that makes you believe that anything is possible. I knew she was the perfect choice to start this series. Two years ago, she quit a great job to chase her dreams. For the past two years she has been at the Bethel Supernatural School of Ministry in Redding, CA. This is her story. I hope it encourages you.

Cris Kerr

Cris Kerr

Recently at school I learned about dreams and was encouraged to write a list with at least 100. I started with 20 and thought they were just my own dreams and goals for my life but I have come to realize that God loves me so much that He was always giving me my dreams. His dreams, my dreams…they are one and the same. Basically, “He gives me the desires of my heart, and then He goes and gives me the desires of my heart.”

After sharing my top 20 dreams and desires with my family and a couple of close friends, their feedback was super positive. They loved my boldness to dream things that seem impossible and at the same time my ability to dreams things I know can be done in my lifetime if go after them with all my heart. Little do they know that I am definitely dreaming to my full potential.

This year, the dreams that I want to run after are: sing to presidents and kings, share my home with international students, get a tattoo as my wedding ring and feed multitudes. I feel like at some level, I can start to live out these dreams right now. For example, I can practice and improve my voice and guitar playing skills. I can share my home with students and friends that are around me this semester. I can continue praying for the amazing and honorable man that is going pursue me passionately! And I can participate in feeding people on my missions and ministry trips this year as well as get involved in ministries that include feeding the poor. In addition, I would like to start to go after the languages one – I already speak 3 languages: Portuguese, English and Spanish and I am learning French. I would like to go after Italian, Greek, Hebrew, Mandarin, German and Arabic. This year I would like to see significant improvement in my French. Hopefully get it from a 3 to a 7.

Here’s my list:

“20 things I wanna do in my lifetime”

  1. speak 10 languages fluently
  2. be a great-great grandma
  3. live in Greece for 1 year
  4. feed multitudes
  5. live in a solar powered house
  6. jump off of a skyscraper (and either fly or have a parachute :P )
  7. honeymoon in Fiji islands
  8. sail across the world
  9. clean and rebuild slums in Brasil
  10. make a million dollars and give it all away
  11. share my home with international students
  12. walk on water
  13. own an artsy coffee house where everything is free and people express themselves through music and art
  14. sing to presidents and kings
  15. get a tattoo as my wedding ring
  16. pay off my nephews’ education – all 8 of them
  17. birth girl triplets
  18. give girls who feel ugly amazing makeovers
  19. graduate from a culinary school
  20. meet and influence Gisele Bundchen, John Mayer, Mark Zuckerberg, Celine Dion and Queen Elizabeth

I wanted to share some of my dreams with you… and maybe you guys can write me some of yours and we can keep experiencing more of this life together seeing each other’s dreams come to true!

“I don’t dream at night, I dream all day; I dream for a living.” Steven Spielberg

Afflictions Eclipsed By Glory

February 14, 2011 in Exceptional Living 58

I’ve debated for awhile about writing about my testimony. I’ve shared it freely with close friends but I’ve given much thought to sharing it publicly with those that do not know me personally. Not that I’m not ashamed at all. In fact, I believe God has used it to encourage many people. I’ve just been praying about the timing.

Today as we celebrate a day of love, I will celebrate the afflictions I’ve experienced and the weight of glory worked in me by the One true lover of my soul.

The Beginning of Faith

I was saved at 9 years old in a youth rally at a school gym. I grew up as nominal Catholic and while I did my first confirmation and went to CCD a few times, we didn’t really attend mass much. I did always have a heart for God from a young age and when I was presented with an opportunity to accept Him as my savior, I took it. My mom bought me my first King James Bible and I soaked it up…even though I didn’t really understand a lot of the language.

My family all came to Christ around the same time and we attended a fundamental Spanish Baptist church. I lived in Mississippi at the time and there weren’t exactly a large number of Hispanics in the area. There were a lot of transient workers so we remained a relatively small church. Our pastors loved us fiercely and we got our solid Biblical foundation during this time.

A few years later, our pastor and his family closed the church and moved to Florida so we found another church. It was an Assemblies of God church but at the time we really didn’t know much about denominational differences. It wasn’t a big deal for us that now we went to a church that believed in tongues and prophesy as gifts for today. It was a bigger and more contemporary church so got we plugged in.

Growing up, I was a good kid and I really had no trouble learning the Bible and living by the rules. My step-father was a military man so I had a good understanding of rules and repercussions. Ultimately though, I went to church because my parents required it. Even though I enjoyed it most of the time, I really had no choice.

The College Years

Being in a military family, I moved…a lot. By the time I was 18 I had moved 6 times. I went to 3 different high schools, which is like social suicide for a teenager. By the time I started college we lived in Tampa, FL. My dad had retired from the military and was now offered a job in south Florida. My parents were moving again but this time I was old enough to make my own decision. I had enough of moving and I decided to stay by myself and finish college in Tampa.

Out from under the protection of my parents, life took on a whole new freedom. I woke up on Sunday mornings and didn’t have anyone hurrying me to get dressed so we could make it to the early service.

I began to do things I never could do before. My parents weren’t overly strict but I definitely didn’t do all the crazy stuff some of my friends got to do in high school. College was a proverbial spreading of the wings for me. I could stay out late, dance in night clubs and (gasp) skip church if I wanted to. So I did.

I never hit that disillusioned state where I questioned God. I completely considered myself a Christian. It was just on hold. I was working a full time job, going to school full time and partying full time. Sunday mornings was my time to recuperate. I still loved God, I just didn’t have a whole lot of time for Him.

After a few years of living this lifestyle, I started feeling extremely empty. I was going out to clubs from Thursday to Sunday. I was hoping to find the girl of my dreams in a halter top, black pants and clog shoes (you girls remember those outfits). Curiously enough, I could never find what I was looking for. I was physically and emotionally spent.

One Sunday afternoon I woke up and said “I’m done. I need God.” So just like that, I went back to church. There was no crazy life-changing event. I didn’t get a DUI driving home from a club. I didn’t get a girl pregnant. I didn’t have some crazy rock bottom experience that made me cry out to God. I just woke up and had enough.

This happened in late December and I decided to visit a large church in the area. I determined to go to their New Years Eve service and rededicate my life to God. So I did and I literally felt a shift in my life. And just like that, I’m back in His house like the prodigal son. This was the beginning of 2002.

I dedicated the year to immersing myself in knowing God. I read the entire Bible in a year. I started studying theology. I was rocked by books like “Mere Christianity” by C.S. Lewis and “The Case for Christ” by Lee Stroble. I got on a huge Apologetics kick. I studied out doctrines that I didn’t even know existed. Calvinism, Arminianism, Dispensationalism, Soteriology, Christology, Eschatology, Reformed, Covenant & Systematic Theologies…I couldn’t get enough of the “isms” and “ologies”.

My faith became my own that year. I didn’t need anyone to teach me. I was learning for myself. My faith was solidified and I had an understanding of why I believed what I did. It became my faith, not one that was imposed on me.

Fancy Meeting You Here

In the middle of my awakening, I ran into an old friend from high school. She dated my best friend years ago so I had never felt anything for her. We saw each other at church and went out for dinner after a Wednesday night service. We shared about what had been going on in the past years and it turns out that we were in the same exact place.

She was raised in the church like me but had gotten away from God. She told me how after she broke up with my friend, she tried the party scene. She dated some guys, lived the life she thought she wanted and finally got to a place of emptiness. She was just getting her life back on track and seeking God. Serendipitous indeed.

You might guess where this is leading. After months of hanging out and spending time together, we started dating. I had never felt like this with any other woman. We were completely connected. She loved Jesus as passionately as I did and she laughed at my jokes (which always melts my heart!). It didn’t hurt that she was incredibly gorgeous.

I was absolutely sure she was the one for me. Everything happened pretty quickly but I was more sure about this than anything in my life. A few months later I proposed and in July of 2003, we got married.

The Naïve Newlyweds

The first year of married life was awesome. I married my best friend. Isn’t that the dream? Everything we did was fun. We were able to enjoy the most mundane activities. We made up games that we played. We had our own language that nobody understood. We laughed…a lot.

Then life happened.

After graduating from college, I started working with my best friend from church. He started his own web design business and I came on initially to work as tech support. As time went on, the company grew and my responsibilities increased. So did my hours.

I started working 50 and sometimes 60 hour weeks. I’m an introvert so I would come home and need to decompress by myself. My outlet was video games (namely Madden football).

We started attending a smaller church and at 25 years of age, we were invited to be on the leadership team. We were honored but unprepared for what we would experience. We got insight into the not-so-pretty side of “church”. We knew about the people having affairs. We knew about the people that were spreading rumors about leaders. We saw when our pastor would go weeks without pay because no one was tithing. It was intense.

I found out that marriage wasn’t the walk in the park that I thought it would be. I realized that I was tremendously unprepared in how to be a husband. I wasn’t a bad guy. I treated my wife well. She was my best friend after all. But I found out that a best friend and a husband aren’t the same thing.

My spiritual leadership was weak. She constantly would say “Baby, will you pray.” I knew the Word, I just didn’t know how to lead my home. I didn’t have very much confidence in myself. That lack of confidence would also lead to indecisiveness. I was so terrified to make a mistake that many times I would just opt to not make any decision at all.

My emotional leadership was weak. I told you my wife was gorgeous. The only problem was that I assumed she knew that. I failed to tell her every day how beautiful she was. She would literally ask me “Baby, do I look pretty today?” I would give her this look like “What? Of course.” I was almost offended that she asked. Clearly, I thought she was beautiful. I married her for Pete’s sake!

My physical leadership was weak. Because of my own insecurities, I struggled with intimacy. Even while married I was looking at pornography. I had a completely beautiful woman available to me and I would secretly get on my computer after she went to sleep. I didn’t know how to initiate intimacy. She would always be the one to initiate. Until one day she stopped. So we stopped.

All the while these things are happening and I was completely oblivious to how it was affecting her. One day she sits me down and says that we need to talk. She tells me that she is not happy with her life. She is not happy with her job. She is not happy with church. She is not happy with our marriage.

Honestly, I didn’t know what to say. I said, “How can you say that you’re not be happy?” She asked me, “How can you say that you ARE?”

We were both very non-confrontational people so all of these issues were never addressed head on. By the time she got the courage up to tell me this so bluntly, she had already given up. I realized this later.

This put me into “fix it” mode. That’s what guys do. There is a problem, we find a solution. We got her a new job. We stepped down from leadership and shortly thereafter, left our church. We looked for other churches. I stopped working as much and made more of an effort to show her romantic love. I did all the mechanical things that should have led to making things right.

But the damage was deeper than the things on the surface. I couldn’t fix that with some surface changes. I didn’t understand that at the time.

This all happened in our third year of marriage. Everything began to fall apart and I wasn’t equipped to “fix it”. Everything I did just seemed to make things worse. As a last ditch effort, we went to counseling. I learned a lot but she had already shut down and didn’t receive anything from it. We couldn’t find a church that we both like so she stopped going.

Then she stopped wearing her ring.

I was devastated but I was still in something of a stupor. I didn’t feel real. I couldn’t believe it was happening. Her shut down made her devoid of emotion. She didn’t show anger or frustration. I didn’t act like she hated me. She just stopped caring. That’s what was confusing and later on what hurt the most.

As things worsened, the tension in our home was overwhelming. We said about 10 words to each other each day. It was unbearable. At night, I would slip under the covers and say good night and the whole painful cycle would begin the next day.

We stopped talking about things and basically acted like distant roommates until one day I couldn’t take it anymore. I suggested that we separate to see if anything would change. Clearly she didn’t want to be in my presence and I felt it tangibly. She agreed to the separation.

Since I was able to work remotely, I decided to move out and come down to South Florida and stay with my parents. The plan was to communicate every week and see how things were progressing. After about 3 months, she told me that she was happier than she had been in years. Shortly after that, she said she wanted a divorce.

Beyond Broken

For the first time in my life I understood what it meant to be “all cried out”. I cried myself to sleep every night. I cried for hours where no tears even came out. I was broken in every sense of the word.

One of the strongest emotions I felt was shame. I felt that my wife was completely justified for leaving me because I wasn’t a real man. Who wants to be with someone that can’t even make a decision? Who wants to be with someone who can’t even tell that his wife isn’t happy? Who wants to be with a man that can’t even initiate intimacy in the bedroom?

I annihilated myself. I blamed myself for everything. I took all the weight of ownership. I absolved her of all responsibility in the marriage. How can she be expected to live like that? I didn’t hold up my part of the covenant.

The verse that says “God hates divorce” constantly ran through my mind. I started to personalize it and felt like God hated me. How shameful to go through divorce, when God hates it. I knew He was disappointed in me. I knew I was disqualified from ever serving Him in a significant way.

I reached my absolute lowest. Then I dug a hole and crawled in it.

Weight of His Wind and Mercy

Right before I moved down from Tampa I had lunch with a client. It was unusual but God put it on my heart to share what was going on in my life. I told him that I was moving down to stay with my parents and I was just going to see what happens. Immediately he says, “I am willing to pray and fast with you about this.” I don’t know this guy from Adam and he’s just extended himself to partner with me in this so I say, “Okay, I guess.” I wasn’t sure how serious he was.

Over the course of the next months, this guy calls me every weekday morning before work. He would pray with me, share a word with me and walk me through things. He would make me pray real prayers. I would start, “Dear God and Heavenly Father, I come to you right now and pray for…” STOP, STOP, STOP. “Stop praying so holy,” he would say. “Are you hurting right now? Then pray like you’re hurting. God doesn’t need your formal prayers. Just be real.”

So I was real. I stripped away the frilly dressing and learned to pray real painful prayers to God. I would ask Him questions that I once thought we irreverent. I would get angry and tell Him that I didn’t understand why this was happening to me. I had never prayed like that before.

My friend walked me through owning my part of the relationship and the realization that this wasn’t completely my fault. I identified exactly what I had done wrong and how that affected her as a woman, then I allowed myself to see the things she did wrong. I realized that this wasn’t completely my fault and it wasn’t fully my responsibility.

I was getting it in my head but I still needed the transfer to my heart. One day I was reading the Bible and I just broke down. I said, “God, I need you to be more real than just words on a page.” I fell to the floor and for the first time in my life, I felt the tangible presence of God surround me. I felt like He wrapped His arms around me and I just laid their and cried in His arms.

An Ocean Of Grace

Once the divorce was final, I felt a sense of closure. I was now able to move forward and see what God had for me. The next year God took me through the process of learning about His grace and love.

I was a good kid growing up. I was faithful and other than that short period during college, I never really made any “real” mistakes. I never needed His grace like other people did (or so I thought). So for the first time in my life, I opened my heart to His grace because now I really needed it. And He poured it out.

He taught me how to love myself. He began to take me on a journey of self-discovery. Through things like personality tests, I started to understand more about myself and how I am wired. Then He began to teach me about my identity as His son. It was a deep work of healing and restoration.

He taught me to receive grace and then how to give it. He taught me how to receive encouragement and then how to give it. My eyes opened to a whole new aspect of His love that went so far beyond studying the Bible and theology.

My Story, His Glory

This year will mark 4 years since my divorce. I have been single since then and in that time, God has been doing an incredible work in my life. More than ever I feel whole. More than ever I feel restored. More than ever I feel confident.

From that place of confidence, I feel like God has graced me to share my story with others. This is a big part of why I started this blog. I want to share what God has given me. It is the most precious gift I could have received. It is the gift of sonship. I have been adopted as His son and because of that, it defines who I am.

My desire is to see lives changed as people come into an understanding of their identity as sons and daughters of the living God. I want us to move beyond just head knowledge of the Word in the book and into the heart knowledge of the Word in our hearts. I believe that as we live from that place of knowing who we are in Christ, we will receive grace to live lives of significance for His glory.

From my mess comes my message and from my test comes my testimony.

Friday Quick Thoughts

February 11, 2011 in Odds & Ends 57

Harbour Church Relationship SeminarOkay, this is a bonus for all of you that get a little burned out on my 1,000+ word posts. I actually just have a prayer request.

This weekend, my church is going to be hosting a relationship seminar. Guess who’s going to be teaching in one of the sessions? Yes indeed, that would be me.

I’m going to be teaching a break out session with the single guys. I’m basically going to school them on how not to suck at loving people. I’m stoked!

Seriously though, I would be SO grateful if you could keep me in your prayers, especially Saturday morning (at 2pm if you want to be exact) if you think of it. Coming into this, I knew things would be intense in my own life. I’ve had a bunch of craziness come up as I’ve been preparing to teach. Part of it was my decision to write out my testimony. I’ve never shared it publicly and I felt like God was leading me to do that. It stirred up a bunch of things in my heart that had been dormant for the past few years. I’ll be posting it on Valentine’s Day. I think the reasoning will make sense when you read it.

If you’re interested, I’ll probably post the audio and outline of the teaching on the blog next week. It will be about a 45 minute clip.

That’s what’s going on in my world this weekend.

So my question is…what are your plans for the weekend?

Echoes of Truth

February 10, 2011 in Meditations 10

I remember as a kid, how excited I was to find a place that produced an echo. I would sit there constantly saying words and making noises, waiting for the echo. The echo returned my voice in a weaker, softer version. When I was with someone else, invariably they would yell out as well and the result was a muffled mix of chaotic resonation. I was completely fascinated.

I’ve been studying echoes recently and I found that a true echo is a single reflection of the sound source. The human ear cannot distinguish an echo from the original sound if the delay is less than 1/10 of a second. In addition, if many reflections return back to where you are unable to distinguish them, the proper term is reverberation.

All this got me to thinking about how I acquire information. The information goes out from the source and along the way, there are walls from which it bounces. Those walls might be books, newspapers, politicians, preachers or friends. Most of the time they aren’t the source of information, they are echoes.

Continue reading…

*********************

Today I’m guest posting for my good friend Cathy over at her blog Windows and Paper Walls. She’s definitely one of my favorites. She blogs about books, learning and geeky space stuff…it’s fascinating. Be sure to check her out on the Twitter as well. You won’t regret it.

Overcoming The Spirit Of Fear

February 9, 2011 in Identity 50

Erase Fear

Erase Fear

I recently had an opportunity to teach on a trip to Brazil. As I was preparing to share a message in front of 350 Brazilians, fear gripped me. This would be by far the largest group of people I had ever spoken in front of.

My pastor had spoken two days before and absolutely crushed it. The next day he was followed up by my friend Ryan and he knocked it out of the park as well. Now it was my turn.

I’m not much of a “preacher” in the sense of an exhorter or encourager with my message. I’m a teacher through and through. I am passionate but it never takes precedence over the meat of what I want to teach. I never want to distract anyone with myself for fear of them losing focus of the message. No one else that spoke before me had my style. I wondered how I would fare.

As I was preparing, the Lord was showing me how fear relates to our identity. Fear is the single most destructive force warring against the sons and daughters of God. It seeks to strip us of power, strip us of love and cause us to lose all sense of control of who we are. Fear robs us of our identity in Christ and ultimately causes us to bring down others with us. Because after all, misery loves company.

We all know the single most popular verse in regards to fear:

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7

As I read this verse, the Lord began to illuminate these 3 things to me in a deeper way. If he didn’t give us a spirit of fear, then clearly he DID give us a spirit of power, a spirit of love and a spirit of self-control.

The Spirit of Power

Power is linked to authority. Matthew 10:1 says that Jesus gave his disciples authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every disease and every affliction. If the disciples operated in fear, there is no way they could have used the authority they had been given.

In a more practical sense, I got this illustration. In my church, at times I teach the 1st-5th graders. I’ve been given authority over them. The funny thing about kids though, is that they can smell fear. If I don’t walk into that room with confidence and authority, they will run all over me. Even though I have been given authority over them, if I don’t exercise it, they will recognize my weakness and take advantage. I believe the illustration applies to our walk with the Lord.

Fear strips us of power. It strips us of the authority Jesus has given us as sons and daughters. Skip forward in Matthew 10 and verse 7-8 says “And as you go, preach, saying, ‘The kingdom of heaven is at hand.’ Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.” (emphasis mine)

The disciples had been commissioned to preach the kingdom of heaven. They had been given authority to bring it with them. It had been given to them freely for the purpose of them giving it out freely. You can’t give what you don’t have. Fear will close your hands to the power you have been given.

The enemy does not want us to understand the power we have. He will use fear to strip us of our authority. We become so preoccupied with a sense of worthlessness, failure, false humility and everything else we say about ourselves that we can’t accept the authority that has been “freely given”. When you see the world walking all over Christians, you can bet those sons and daughters are operating in a spirit of fear. God wants us free from fear and operating in the spirit of power. This is our inheritance.

The Spirit of Love

Love and fear are enemies. Love is the antithesis of fear. Love in it’s purest form is unequivocally devoid of fear. John, the apostle of love, (Which by the way is an awesome name. If you call me that, I won’t stop you.) said it decidedly:

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

The spirit of this age has been gunning for the purity of love for a long time. Love has been warped, perverted and twisted in so many ways that pure love is looked upon as naiveté.

One of the ways fear manifests in love is through control. What we fear, we try to control. Our relationships suffer due to fear and insecurities. It can manifest through jealousy, anger, selfishness and many other ways. However when fear is removed, we can operate in the spirit of love. We have the ability to love the unlovable. We can love our enemies. We can love those that do not show grace. When we are free from fear, we can love as we are loved by the One who loves perfectly.

The Spirit of Self-Control

As I said before, fear manifests itself in control. When we attempt to control others, it is damaging. However, when we operate in a spirit of self-control, we are only concerned with managing our own heart.

The spirit of self-control gives us the ability to maintain the internal environment of our heart. It gives us the ability to respond to situations as opposed to reacting to situations. James 1:19 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” This can only be accomplished when we are freed from fear and operate in the spirit of self-control.

The Spirit of Adoption

So how do we break off the spirit of fear and walk in the spirit of power, love and self-control?

Yup, you guessed it. It’s all about identity. When you know who you are, you will understand what you have been given. That’s why Paul talks about the spirit of adoption:

“For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.” ~Romans 8:15-17

It is vital that we understand the spirit of adoption because it defines who we are. We can embrace the truth that as His sons and daughters, we no longer have the spirit of slavery which leads to fear.

Until you understand that you are an heir of the kingdom, you will continue to live like an orphan. Only orphans live in fear because they have no one to care for them. We are not orphans. This isn’t something we have to strive for. It is ours. We simply have to receive it.

I went through a time where I had to repent from the spirit of fear. The word repent literally means “change of mind”. Once I had the shift in my mindset to the reality of my position as a son of God, I began to realize that I was no longer subject to fear. The enemy comes with intimidation tactics, but he is really just like those little kids that I teach in the children’s ministry. Once I stand my ground, he has to flee (James 4:7). It’s time for the sons and daughters of God to take their place and resist the spirit of fear!

Are you living under a spirit of fear or living as a child of God?

Reflections on Brazil (Pt.4)

February 8, 2011 in Exceptional Living 34

On our last day in Brazil, I honestly couldn’t imagine it getting any better…but it did. I’m not exactly sure what happened in the morning session on Friday. The only way I can really explain it, is a Holy Spirit nuclear bomb that was dropped in the middle of our meeting.

The hunger in everyone was palpable as we got started with the meeting. Ryan grabbed the mic and opened up in prayer. He invited everyone to the front and told them to position their hearts to receive from the Lord. That just set off an explosion that lasted for the next 4 hours.

I felt the glory of the Lord descend upon us as we sang out and danced before Him. I’ve never experienced anything like it. It was literally the weighty presence of God that filled the entire room.

The glory fell during worship

The glory fell during worship

As worship was winding down, a guy went up to the front and brought a word that he felt he needed to share. He is originally from England and living as a missionary in Brazil. He was sharing about the story in Luke of the woman with the issue of blood for 12 years. He started sharing about how some of the most significant moves of God in Brazil started happening about 12 years ago. He talked about how the church in the US and England sent some of the first missionaries to evangelize Brazil.

He began to relate the US and England to the woman with the issue of blood. For the past 12 years, these countries have been bleeding spiritually. They have been in need of healing. During this time, the church of Brazil has been maturing. They have been growing through these years and they carry the fire and power of God. He said that God is positioning them to be released as missionaries back to these two countries to bring healing.

Darren went up to represent the US and this guy was representing England. They called up another guy from the front to represent Brazil. It was a prophetic handing of the baton to release Brazil to the nations. It was an incredible moment.

Released to the nations

Released to the nations

As all of this is going on, I am grabbed and asked to come pray for someone. As I walked back to the corner of the stage off to the side I see a woman bent over and weeping. They explain to me that after the word that was just shared, she began to weep with conviction because she hates the United States. Um, wow. My eyes get wide and I say to myself, “Help me, Jesus.”

They begin to share the story of how a few years ago she sent her sister to the US to pursue a better life. Her sister had a terrible experience with the people of the US and she ended up having to work very hard just to make ends meet. After a period of time, she ended up dying while working at one of her jobs. This left her with extreme anger and resentment towards the people and country.

I come close to her and put my hand on her shoulder and immediately I feel the pain that she is carrying. As soon as I touched her I began to weep. I just began to ask God for mercy. I had no idea what to say.

Next thing I know, I begin praying for her. I started by saying, “I repent on behalf of my country for all the things that happened to your sister. I repent for all the people that treated her badly and for her death.” I just went on praying for a release of the burden that she was carrying and that God would give her the grace to forgive and release all that she had in her heart.

After I finished praying she looked up and wrapped her arms around me. She cried on my shoulder for the next few minutes and I cried with her. When she pulled away, she said, “I forgive the United States. I release those that have wronged my sister and anyone responsible for her death. I now want to go to the United States to bring the love that God has put in my heart.”

It was such an intense experience. I walked back to my chair in a daze. All the while, everything is still happening on stage. Everyone is praying and interceeding about being sent to the nations. It is hard to fully capture the weight of the moment.

Transitioning into teaching

Transitioning into teaching

It was pretty difficult to transition out of the moment and get into the teaching. As they clear the stage and everyone is heading back to their seats, Ricardo says “Do you smell that?” Immediately you see everyone’s eyes light up. Now I’m not exaggerating here. If you know me at all, that’s not my thing. But as clear as day, I could smell the fragrance of wine. One by one, people started saying, “Yes, I can smell it!” It was the craziest thing but I could distinctly smell wine. There was no wine at all on the campus!

Just when we thought things had reached a pinnacle, it got even more intense. Darren brought a powerful message on relationships. First he addressed the men. He prefaced his message by saying that he was bringing this word in extreme humility but that he felt it was necessary to address some cultural issues.

He first addressed the role of men. He exhorted them to take their place first in the home before they desired to lead as ministers. He said that there is a huge discrepancy in the homes and that it is the responsibility of the men to love and honor their wives and to raise their children up with love and not a heavy hand.

Then he moved to speak to the women. He began to address the spirit of promiscuity that runs rampant in the Brazilian culture. He began to speak the value and worth over the women. He told them that they didn’t need to control or manipulate with seduction. As he spoke, women began to weep. He continued to tell the single women that God knows their value and will provide for them. He encouraged them to respect themselves and walk with honor and dignity. It definitely struck a chord. From there we went into a time of ministry for the women.

One of the mothers in faith took the microphone and began to sing prophetic songs over the women. She walked through the crowd and began to wrap her arms around women and sing songs over them as they cried in her arms. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. That morning session was definitely the most spectacular outpouring of God’s glory I’ve ever experienced.

The Last Hurrah

We came back later that evening for another great time of worship and the word. This session was bigger because it was opened up to another 150 visitors that weren’t part of the school. It was another wonderful time of worship and the word but it was what happened at the end which was the most fun.

At the end of the preaching, we decided to do a Fire Tunnel. A fire tunnel is basically where people line up on either side forming a tunnel for people to walk through. As you walk through the tunnel, each person spends a minute or two laying hands and praying for you. We’ve done these a couple of times at my church and it is powerful. However, this is by far the largest one I’ve ever seen! It was 500 people deep!

As people walked through, you could see them receiving and getting touched by God. Again, I’ve never seen anything like it! It was a glorious ending to an incredible couple of days!

500 deep in the fire tunnel!

500 deep in the fire tunnel!

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about this trip as much as I’ve enjoyed sharing about it. It’s stirred my heart all over again as I’ve been able to recount the experiences on this trip. It has marked me and I know I will never be the same.

Thank you all for your encouraging words and support!

Page 1 of 212»