My marriage ended in divorce. Although I’ve only been married once, it wasn’t my first divorce. I’ve been doing it since I was very young. I grew up believing that if you don’t like something, you just move on to the next thing.
I dated a lot of girls in high school and college. I wasn’t promiscuous but I gave my heart to a lot of women. I’ve never been the “casual” dating type of guy. Even if I tried, my heart always betrayed me. I couldn’t help but feel deeply. I had a false sense of intimacy with each girl I dated. I gave them my heart before it was time. One thing led to another and we would eventually “break up“.
I’ve had a lot of friends. All my relationships are intense. I like to go deep. I’m not much of a surface level kind of guy. I give all my heart to my closest relationships. I’ve also struggled with a lot of insecurity. I was terrible at confrontation. When things were great, my friendships soared. When things were difficult, they suffered. I’ve had friendships end with the “immediate break“. Others I’ve just let fade away. Even some of the closest ones.
I’ve been a part of a lot of churches. Some I just visited and some I connected into. I’m an all or nothing kind of guy so if I visit more than a few times, I begin to feel a connection. My heart tied into the vision and I formed relationships. But since no church is perfect, I’ve also been offended. I’ve disagreed with how things were done. I’ve disagreed with teaching. On different occasions I would end up “leaving“ to find a better church.
I’ve been practicing divorce for a long time. I’ve been sowing these mini-divorces in different areas of my life. When it was time to come into a real covenant, I wasn’t ready for the weight of commitment.
I know we all go through seasons of getting to know someone of the opposite sex and we realize they aren’t the one for us. There are friendships that only last for a season. There are churches that God brings us to for a specific time. I think that’s okay. But how many of those do we end in a healthy way? How many relationships do we divorce ourselves from?
Every time I gave my heart to someone then ended the relationship in an unhealthy way, I was practicing divorce. I told myself it was okay to leave. I justified the offense in my heart. I convinced myself that there was something better. I cheapened the value of relationships. Ultimately, I cheapened the value of covenant.
Society perpetuates this mentality. “Your happiness is most important. If you’re not happy, you should move on.“ But a consistent focus on self will lead you to divorcing your relationships. It’s a ploy to divide and conquer through deception. If we fall for it, we become divorce experts.
I’m aware of this now. I will no longer allow myself to take the easy way out of relationships. I value my relationships above all other things in my life. I am sowing that value today so I will reap a harvest in my covenants. My covenant with God. My covenant with the wife that God brings.
I will not condone divorce. I will not perpetuate it.
Divorce in my life ends now.