My First Love

I remember when we met. I was only 10 years old. It was just puppy love. I fell into what I thought was love with you. I loved the feelings of butterflies in my stomach at just the thought of you. We grew up together and got a little closer every year. I was immature and I wasn’t ready to completely give you my heart but you told me that you would wait for me.

As I got older, I met girls and I always talked to you about my relationships. You were always such a great listener and you always said the right thing. I knew you wanted my heart but you always would listen to me go on about the others. You gave me advice and always encouraged me to look for the qualities that last rather than those that fade away.

After high school I went away to college and we lost touch for awhile. None of my relationships worked out and every one I got into felt emptier than the last. Even when I was with somebody, I felt lonely.

More time passed and one day I began to reminisce on our relationship. I thought about our long talks. I thought about how you know me like no one else does. I couldn’t find that in anyone I met. I could never talk to them the way I talked to you. None of them was ever as interested in me as you were. In my loneliness I reached out to you. I found your number and we reconnected. You were so excited to hear from me. I finally decided to give you the time you had been longing for. Our relationship grew so deeply and more quickly then I ever imagined. For over a year it was just me and you.

Then I met someone else. As much as I loved you, I knew she was the one. It wasn’t my intention to give her the part of my heart that belonged to you but I had to make a decision. You never gave me the “it’s me or her” ultimatum but I knew what you wanted. I figured we could just remain friends. I thought I could have the best of both worlds.

I decided to get married and I invited you to the wedding. You were the guest of honor and we had a great time. It was wonderful to have you present at such a special event. Things were going so well and amazingly my wife loved you too so we invited you to stay in our home for awhile. Initially it was great and you were so easy to live with. You made everything more exciting and full of purpose.

Eventually the pressures of life became overwhelming. We got so busy and things in our relationship began to get tense. Finances were tight and we thought we couldn’t afford to let you stay with us any longer. We didn’t verbally ask you to leave but we began to distance ourselves from you. You were so courteous and never desired to overstay your welcome. I know your heart hurt when we went through our struggles and you wanted so much to help. We just kept pushing you away thinking you wouldn’t understand. I realized soon after you left that we shouldn’t have let you go.

Things got worse and I began calling you all the time. You always came to me and let me cry on your shoulder. When things spiraled out of control you carried me through it. When I was at my lowest you picked me up and told me it would be okay. You taught me so much about love without saying a word. You didn’t take advantage of my emotions when I was vulnerable. I could’ve tried to blame you for leaving just when things got bad. Some people asked me why I didn’t. But I knew you never wanted it to happen. Besides you were always just a phone call away and I know you would have come back if we both had asked.

You comforted me through the pain of separation but you also gave me space and let me work things out on my own. Your quiet assurance taught me how self less your love was for me. You could have given up on me all those times I abandoned you. You could have rightly moved on without me after all the times I made you promises that were broken. But somehow you continue to love me the same as the day we first met.

After all I put you through you still love me. You allowed me to come to this conclusion without ever throwing it in my face. Now I don’t even feel worthy of your love. How can I presume to ask for your love again when I’ve treated you like this? But I realize how much I want you…how much I need you. I know how perfectly we go together. I now know that I can’t live without you.

I hear your voice and I get the butterflies again. My heart flutters in my chest when we’re together. I now realize how beautiful you are. I don’t know how I never saw it before. I realize that my love for you isn’t just a feeling, it isn’t just an emotion; it’s a decision, a conscious choice. So I give you my heart again for the very first time. I want you and no one else.

I can’t promise to love you as perfectly as you have loved me but if you’ll take me back I promise each day to try to follow your lead. And if one day another love knocks on the door of my heart, she will never take the place which belongs only to you…because you are My First Love.